remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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