I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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