The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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