i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
