she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
