SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
