she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
