It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
