"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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