1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
