If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
