im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
