if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
