i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
