the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't deserve a penis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
