I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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