Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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