Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
