i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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