sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize