First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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