How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
