It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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