so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
