she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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