talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
