Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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