is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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