I need help removing her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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