so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
