and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
