Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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