i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
