why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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