More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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