i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
