morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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