I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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