I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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