Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
