Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
tell me about the eggs
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