I wish i was in the wii world.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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