i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
