I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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