very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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