dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just had sex on a roof
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
