dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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