well I can't set my house on fire every night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
