He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
