Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
