he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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