he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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