Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
