Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
