I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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