i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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