We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize