so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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