I wish I could teleport
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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