lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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