You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
