I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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