Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
