you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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