I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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