awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dick very happy bro
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
