I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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