Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize