Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
