Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Even my vagina gasped.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
