I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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