Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
