Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
