I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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