i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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