I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
