fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize