I cut my penus on the lid.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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