think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
