Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
