Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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