thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
