the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
