I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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