I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
