my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
