hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
