i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
