How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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