can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
