And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
