Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
