So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
