Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
