I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
