omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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