I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
