Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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